the dark side

Paper Cut

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 17:33:03 GMT

Define fair.
Define it for me 'cause my mind can't grasp an appropriate meaning.

Wait... I think I just got it.

Many people say life isn't fair.
Well, I beg to disagree.

Of all things, I think life is most fair.

God is its author, and no one could ever do a better job.

What comes around goes around.
Equivalent exchange.
Now that’s what I’m talking about.

See, life is fair.
But we fail to appreciate justice. Especially when it’s against us.
That’s human nature. Don’t blame yourself for it, it’s normal.

If luck brings you happiness, then what happens if you run out of it?

Luck.
What is luck?
I’ll tell you: it’s a man-made superstition, aiming to make people believe that good or bad things may come out of nowhere.

That is a fair definition, don’t you think?
Man-made. Anything made by man isn’t flaw-proof. In fact, it ends up flaw-FULL.

So who are you to side with, man or God?
What would you choose, luck or fairness?

I say fairness.
Would you still choose it though it will break you?

I say yes.

Though paper may cut me, it will heal.

What goes around comes around.
Equivalent exchange.
Now, you know what I’m talking about.

xxx.v

Long time no post? :D

stressed and sabaw

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 20:15:25 GMT

i am.
i need inspiration... Vee? hahaha joke :P

ay nako kinikilig nnman ako. ano baaaaa. ahahahha :P
kelan bako magsasawa sayo? hahahah :P

INSPIRATION COME ON!!

super wala lang

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 19:11:22 GMT

030909, 19.10

What's in a name?
Names have hidden meanings, this quiz said..
I tried it out, just for the heck of it, March 9, 2009.

Veronica Paula Mata Jose.

You are DRIVEN and TIRELESS.
-or so I seem.

You are very hyper. You never slow down, even when it's killing you.
You're the type of person who can be a workaholic during the day... and still have the energy to party all night.
-VERY FALSE. I am only hyper for some hyper-able reasons.
Your energy is definitely a magnet for those around you. People are addicted to your vibe.
-.....really now?

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
-not everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
-pwede.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.
-okay, true.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
-hehehehe.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.
-uh.. tlga??

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
-oops! NO!
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
-I AM loyal.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.
-YESYES! :)

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
-I dont like to assume so.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.
-WAHAHAHAHA OMG SO TRUE.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.
-TRUE AGAIN!

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.
You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.
A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.
-kinda true... KINDA.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.
-okay, I do strive for perfection, but I am NOT the best at everything, I am not perfect. I am confident, not authoritative but sometimes agressive.

You are influential and persuasive. You tend to have a lot of power over people.
Generally, you use your powers for good. You excel at solving other people's problems.
Occasionally, you do get a little selfish and persuade people to do things that are only in your interest.
-really now? Am I? Do I?

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
-hahahaha. bolero. hahaha if I were lucky, I should be happy now.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.
-I AM greedy. I want me happy, but I want other people happy too.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
-now that's what I'm talking about. haha :P
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
-accepting, I am, but I DO get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.
-FALSE.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
-okay, true.
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
-FALSE.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!
-half true, half false.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.
-YESYESYESYESYES. SOSOSO TRUE.

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.
You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.
You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.
-weh?

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
-WTF? sexy plang wla na eh. But I believe I am strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.
-yeah right.

QUIZZES.
Sometimes they're right, sometimes they're wrong.

People say a lot of things.
We should choose wisely, be picky on what to believe. Not everything good people say about you is a general truth, a law. Some of them may be theories or postulates than can be true if and only if <insert condition/s here>.

Let me tell you what this quiz lacked to say about me:

You get moody in seconds.
You change your mind a lot, which confuses people around you sometimes.

You are lost.
You are unsure of what to do, of which path to follow. You don't know what it is you really want.

You are sensitive, too sensitive for your own good.
You think of other people's sake more than your own, in the long run, you'll see yourself struggle. Not only that, sometimes, the things you do to help people end up worsening their situation and/or attitude.
You take care of people with unconditional love, and fail to see you need taking care of as well, you tell yourself you dont, but you really do.

You are an excellent procrastinator, which can be a good or bad thing.
People sometimes rely on this skill of yours, so much so that you end up working on most of whatever they are you should work on.
This doesn't help your lack of skill in time management. You really should work on that.

You are very lazy.
Get off of your bed and on to the study table. You'll need to maximize all the time you have left.

You are a thinker. You think too much and you assume too much.
Maybe you should stop thinking, so you'd stop assuming. Too harsh? Maybe you need a little harsh treatment, it's called discipline, my friend.

You are good and you are bad.
Be sure to have your meter on 24/7, so you can keep track of what you are, good or bad, moment by moment.
Balance is the key.

So, what can you say about yourself?

Quiz from <http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyournameshiddenmeaningquiz/>

procrastinator

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 13:44:57 GMT

okay im great.

this is not helping, and i know it.
but what do i do if it's not my fault?

im good,
but not at everything.

dont expect the best from me.
i am not perfect.

time.
only God can give it,
and i cannot take it back.
not a single soul in the world could provide me with it.

i only have one body,
one brain.
i can only do so much.

im trying my best,
help, anyone?

automated

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 15:57:31 GMT

i have a confession.
i am in dreamland.

hahahaha :P

but seriously, grabe. lhat ng gnagwa ko ngayon, sobrang lutang. parang bigla lang nagppop sa utak ko. dahil ata sa kakacram ko nagaautothink nako.. autothink, autowrite, autosmile, autotype, autospeak, autoLAHAT.

ay grabe... nagaautoSLEEP narin ako. isang higa lang, tulog na agad! grabe. at autowake! guess what.. ang default waking time ko? 7am! ABAAAAA!! AKALAIN MO!!! hahaha. kahit d ako magalarm, 7 gcng nako! shet na. what is happening to me?

para nakong c Vinnie (wahahha. ang aking minamahal na computer.) autoeverything.
i dont think well anymore, subconscious brain nlng ang gumagawa. hahahahah :P
i like, ilove..... ay ang labo. sorry, autothink + autotype.. hahaha :P
...ay jho. hahaha wla lang naalala lang kita. bat nga pla hndi kita friend sa multiply? ADD ME. NOW. hahah :P

pero in fairness mas nananaginip ako ngayon kesa nung mga chill days. palagi akong may panaginip ngayon. pero mga weird. hahaha weird nrin kasi ako. super moody, super sunget, super tampuhin, super crush c Vee. wahahaha :P wla lang gs2 ko lang idagdag. autothink ulet. hahahaha :P

.....omg. super random. feeling ko pag babasahin ko to sa panahong chill, maffeel ko ung kabangagan ko today. gets ba, gets? hahaha. igets mo kung hnde, bhala kna. hahaha :P
GRABEEE. hahaha im wasted. hahaa. kala mo lasing lang pero hnde. kung lasing ako, cgro umeenglish nako. e hndi eh. tlgang bangag lang tlga. hahaha.

ANYWAY!!!

matutulog nako. kelangan nang magautosleep!
goodnight cruel world!
sweet Vee dreams to meeee!!
boo-ya~♥

four things

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 17:36:10 GMT

top four things that made my day today.
-this is kinda long.-

(not the exact dialogues pero andun ung thought.)
(*pinalitan ko sadya.)

-in order of appearance-

1. Brother

10:00 am, the clock said.
I had just put down my mug that still smelt of coffee.

Mech starts 11am. I am so late.
I ran up the stairs.

I had just made up my mind.
Sobrang bibilisan ko, as in. Ako ay kakaripas! Paliliparin ko ang shampoo at sabon.

"Ate Nikka, halika, may papakita ko sayo."
I looked at the clock and said, "Late nako sobra. 11 class ko, tignan mo, 10 na! Dapat umaalis nako!"
"Sige na, sandali lang to."
I just couldn't say no to John Andrew's morning face. "Ugh. Sige na nga."

I followed him into our 'computer room'.
He sat on a little plastic chair, picking up his beaten up electric guitar.
Then he looked up at me, smiling and strumming.

Whatever chord he started to play sounded familiar.
Then, it hit me.
OMG, kung c Vee to grabe patay nako sa sobrang kilig.

~Well you *dawned on me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm tryin' to get back....

before the cool done run out I'll be givin it my best test
and nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

but I wont hesitate no more, no more
it cannot wait
I'm yours

Hindi ko napilgilan, intro palang napatili nako.

*Flashback*

"Andu, may papakapa ako sayo."
"Ano?"
"I'm Yours. Kinikilig ako dun eh. Hahahaha."
"Ay alam ko na yun dati eh. Sigesige." the end.

I know, I am lucky I have a sweet little brother.

"OMG! Sa susunod i-record natin :)"

2. Sister

I was busy poking holes into my favorite notebook-turned-grafitti-canvass, pouring all my anger into the g-tec ink-stained pages.

"Sorry Vero ah, dko nasabi kay Chua. Hindi kasi nakakatanggap ng messages phone ko, ngayon ko lang nareceive."
"Ah, okay lang. Asan nba c Chua?" I knew I was expressionless.
"Ewan ko, andun pa ata. Vero, okay ka lang?"

"Galit si Vero."
I smiled at Carlo. "Hahahaha."

And she walked away.
Ako naman parang tanga, hinintay ko lang na bumalik si Rona.
Ngunit nainip ako, kaya hinanap ko nlang xa.

Her face looked sour.
I think I know why.

MOMENTS LATER..

Vero was crying in front of the ESC office, hiding behind her little green bag.
Rona was crying in front of the ESC office, hiding behind her big green backpack.

Sorry, Rona.
Thank you for understanding.
I love you my dear sister. :)
I'm lucky I have five of you in UST Eng. :)

3. Lugaw and friends

"Vero, why are you so tagal? I'm hungry naaa~"
"OMG! I'm so sorry. Sir Balog kasi was so tagaaaal!"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
If you were there, you wont think the laughter were from girls.

Eng to Dapitan.

"Mlapit nba?"
"Oo, jan nlng un oh."

We turned rIght, and then, voila. The Lugawan.
Sa harapan ng isang maliit, yet sosy-ng dorm kami naupo. Tiles 'to friends. I choose where I rest my bottom.

And then.. Pause. Rewind. Play.

A tall football-playing skinny school boy with wavy hair made my head turn 360 degrees as I passed by.
This guy so looks familiar.

The pink tiles said hello. "Hi sit on me."
I sat pondering, who is this guuuuuy.....

"Wait Abby, si Minho ata yon."
"ANO?" Lumaki xempre ang mga mata ni Abby.
"Si Minho ata yon." If he were ice, I would have melted him with my unfaltering stare.
"Ha? San?"

With my chin I pointed, "Yun o, ung nagffootball."
"FOOTBALL?" Lumaki ng bonggang bongga ang mata nia.

And he faced our way.
"Shet Abby, si Minho nga!"
"OMG oo nga, Ve. Kamukha nga nia." and the Abby kilig-ed smile appeared.

Kookie! Minho is here!
Dali-daling ng text c Vero, while chanting "Kookie, Kookie, Kookie! MINHO!!!"
OMG Jho! C ****!!
Hahaha. Kinilig lang tlga ko. I really 'crush' him. wahahahah amp.

.......

"Vero, nanlilibre c Ed!"
Bye Minho.

Kain muna. hahahaha :P

4. Slumdog Millionaire

First time I ever watched an Oscar-winning movie after the awarding.
It was definitely worth watching.

Cinematography screenplay or whatever it's called. Love it.
Camera angles. Perfect.
Background music and sound effects. PERFECT.
Story. Lovely.

I loved it.
If you haven't seen it, run to your suking DVD-han now.
I recommend it, just like I recommended The Dark Knight.
Five Freakin Flying Stars. :)

One is to four is quite a ratio.
Count your blessings, not your sufferings.
They're all there for reasons, reasons we will find out when the right time comes.

Being optimistic wont hurt, being pessimistic does hurt. Not only you but also people around you.

Show smiles not frowns.
Spread love not anger.

Let go and let God.

hehe

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 14:24:16 GMT

the dawn breaks
and your heart aches

the sunshine come
and your sight is gone

the clouds darken
storms threaten

the moonlight play
the devil hides away

black holes, they find
and their teeth grind

the devil come get you
they wont let him through

when darkness eat you
they will bleed too

black holes, a lonely sea
they wont let him be

black holes wont hurt you
like the devil would do

black holes, your shield
the devil will be killed

~

i, thank you.
bow.

rants and randomness

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 16:33:03 GMT

a very random word vomit collection for february 25, 2009

i lost my appetite.

do you love?
do you work?
do you study?
do you learn?

i lost my touch.

*

i want strawberry ice cream.
hot fudge sundaes get boring,
and they're TOO sweet.

*

the operational capacity of my brain is being exhausted.
i need reformating, defragmenting, or whatever.

i have optimized my current resources to maximize the work i can do.
but my brain can take no more.

i need fixing.
i need rest.

*

i am pink
you are green

contrasting
contradicting
yet hopefully, a good match worth considering.

*
*
*

nkaretainers nnman ako. ang saket. hahaha cge na paalam.
one down, four to go.

♥vee

tired and sleepy

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 16:19:24 GMT

eyelids droopyyyy~
sleep deprived because of work
this one tired soul
is in need of energy

i have faith, give me coffee

im sleepy. i should sleep now.

the devil come get me.

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 16:54:19 GMT

0214, 12:37

i had red nails yesterday morning.

i dont need further proof for it, i now know that red is NOT a color made for me.
i tried painting my nails red today, just for the heck of it, but it kept getting ruined.
i did five tries, but ended up giving up.

i left it ruined till i got to school.
and that was when everything i laid eyes on turned red.

and all i saw was red.
red cars, vans, shirts, flowers, gates, pots, tricycles, jeeps, trucks, rims, paint, etc, but lets not forget my nails.

..."superstitious"
..."the devil come get me"

all i saw was red, and all it brought me were headache, and a worse mood.

it was then that i made up my mind.

ministop.
acetone.
salvation.

i started it, therefore i shall end it.

now my nails are as colorless as they were the day before.

_____________

Friends, I will make up for not going to the Drew's gig. Next time, I'll buy you guys a pitcher. hehehehe. :P

_____________

Lord, Your will be done.
I am all yours. :)

____________

Good night and have a Happy Valentine's Day :)

haha galeng :P

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 16:25:26 GMT

got this from pau just now. wahahaha :P

get yours. click here.

how true is this? hahaha read and decide. hahaha.

Name: Veronica Jose
Date: 2/13/2009
Colorgenics Number: 50742163

You are longing for a little love and tenderness. At present you are feeling very sensitive and need a sympathetic shoulder to lean on. You don't need any further stresses, strains or arguments so take a deep breath and relax. (*inhale exhale*)

Your situation is such that at this time it is essential that you resolve your inherent problems immediately. You are not listening nor taking heed from your many friends and advisers, all of which believe it or not, 'wish you well'. Most of your colleagues feel that your attitude is out of context - an attitude of recklessness and desperation. It is imperative that some solution be found, but whatever you do, think before you act.

It's the old old story - I am misunderstood - my partner (be it in your private life or in business) just doesn't understand me and YOU also believe at this time that you are being completely MISUNDERSTOOD by one and all. It then obviously follows that you naturally feel inhibited and not appreciated. It is perhaps because of this belief that you feel compelled to stand back and let the rest of the world go by. As for developing a firm relationship - inwardly deep down in your subconscious mind you are wary of even trying to get close to another person because you feel that if you open up your heart and feelings you are sure to get hurt. Since you are living in a society where close relationships are the norm, you feel that there is that need to conform, but any close relationships of any magnitude that you may have tried in the past have unfortunately left you without any sense of emotional involvement. (WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

There is considerable amount of stress present in your life at this time and this is perhaps due to some considerable mental and physical frustration. (Oh yes, I am VERY frustrated.) There are various physical needs that are necessary for your well-being but whatever the reasons - mostly of your own making (ano ba! pang-asar ah. hahaha langya! haha :P) - your needs are not being fulfilled. We wonder why? You are under the impression that nobody seems to care for you. This predicament is most uncomfortable and it is because of this that you are experiencing far more stress than you feel you can cope with. You need to find a soul mate (HAHAHAHA AMP!)- someone who truly understands you and whose standards are as high as your own. As matters stand you would like to break away from the vicious cycle that you find yourself entrapped but this is easier said than done. You refuse to compromise with your opinions and essentially you are unable to resolve the situation because you are continually postponing the making of the necessary decision. You are stubborn but this should be no deterrent experiencing a happy life.

You are worn out - suffering from what has been described as 'burnout' and nothing seems to stimulate you to break away from this state of lethargy. (HAHAHAHA I am tired.) This situation is causing an acute distress situation and not being able immediately to resolve the problems is exposing you to excess stress and tension. You are endeavouring to break away from this situation by withdrawing into a state of 'Never Never Land' - an illusory substitute world in which things could be as you would like them to be. (OMG. Why do you have to be so specific?) Now is the time to take time-out - to relax. A short break is all that you need and you will find that matters will resolve themselves. (Yeah, I think I really need a break.)

i have forgotten

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 19:03:04 GMT

my long term memory sucks as bad as the short term one on bad days.
so pardon me if i have forgotten memories we've shared in the past. with "we" i meant me and you, my beloved friend who's reading right now, whoever you are.

today ive discovered three things:
1. i have forgotten that i have this low blood pressure condition thing. -> i was reminded of it by mara, and i remembered this blog i posted before.... (click here if you wanna read (*comment) )
2. bad moody auras are usually my emotional signals for the LBP thing, and the physical ones are headaches, dizziness and the like. haha :P
3. i have forgotten many, many things.

***

I had my mind made up since yesterday: I was gonna donate my blood today -as a sign of gratitude for the good life I've had so far, and as help too, for the unfortunate people, like myself, who have the RARE blood type AB.
It was a scary thought, but I didn't think twice. I wanted to do it. For me and for everybody.
But sometimes we really don't get what we want.

It turned out that I wasn't qualified, 'cause my blood pressure was low. I gave up after two tries.
That was when I remembered.

On my way home, I thought about it.
Then I remembered, I have forgotten.
And only pictures from the past can remind me of what had passed, maybe that was why God had made sure I brought my camera almost everyday those days.
He knew I would forget.

....hahaha. napagkokonek konek ko na ang mga bagay-bagay.... I wonder if this means something.....

The days months and years marked by tears, are now dried out of my head.
That chapter's done and I now start a new one.
And what a start has it been.... :)

*statement number nine is currently applicable. but in a different context. hahhaha :P

List

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 18:52:37 GMT

Since my sisters have posted the same thing, I felt uh.. not exactly obliged.. more like inspired.. to do the same.
And since I'm in the mood for some reminiscing, I felt like doing so.....

The past year wasn't entirely a good one, and just like most of the bad days I've gone through, this year started badly, yet it ended freakishly awesome-ly.......... k, alam kong wlang mga words na gnian... pardon my not-really-wide vocabulary and poor grammar. hahaha :P

ANYWAY!!!

I shall put into writing all the freakishly awesome and bad things that happened to me last year. Obviously, these ones are the most memorable ones.... so.. ayon...

GAME! (oh im so sabog right now. but NO, im not conyo :P)

♥ I started my year with Bamboo on TV. (o dba? not knowing i wont see much of them for the ENTIRE YEAR.)
♥ Finished Heroes Season 2!! (hindi ako mxadong adik)
♥ Naadik sa Coffee Prince. GRABE ♥
♥ Last PE. ang sayaaaaa!! :)
♥ It ended with one text. It was over, finally.
♥ First time sumali sa Island Painting.
♥ I had a relapse..... HS thing........ starting Feb and over the summer (wahahaha may makaget kaya nitooo??)
♥ First rose and balloon for Valentine's Day! Thanks to Kuya (Renz) and Tatay (Renats)
♥ YFC Prayer meeting (?) nung Valentine's. I loved that day! :)
♥ Driving Lessons
♥ I acquired five 3's, to my dad's disappointment.
♥ Frequent visits sa UST ng summer
♥ iPod Touch ♥
♥ Batangas with frieeends ♥
♥ HongKong Disneyland. :) and first time sa isang Disney Hoteeeel :) i LOVE that place ♥
♥ BYE BRACES!! :D:D:D
♥ Korean Addiction! wahahha OMG. Learned to read and write (but not understand) Korean.
♥ Bad Birthday. :(
♥ BUSINESS WEEK!! :D Babes' Burgers ♥♥
♥ Na-SHINee ♥
♥ Naadik MULI sa pagbabasa ♥
♥ First time sumali sa DUET. and nanalo! :) 3rd place! akalain mo?? haha :P
♥ The Sudden Bihon Moment ♥♥♥ First time.
♥ Finished Heroes Season 3
♥ Forgetting the days. hehe.
♥ Drunkenness to the point of almost no return.
♥ Laguna with 3A :)
♥ Completed Simbang Gabi :)
♥ Namili at namigay ng regalo kina mommy, daddy at mga kapatids!
♥ Hindi ako naggreet sa lahat. haha First time!
♥ Became truly happy and contented :)

YEY! hahaha.

2008, although it wasn't really a good year for moi, has been a blessing, not only for me, but for everyone around me as well.
Kahit na puno ng kalungkutan at ka-depress-an, ito parin ay isang taon na dko malilimutan.

Goodbye 2008, and Hello 2009.
Without our past, we can't be living our present.
Without our present, we won't reach our future.

Happy Holidays :)

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 16:40:31 GMT

First of all, I'd like to greet you all a

HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAAAAR!! :)

and a semi-belated Merry Christmas! :)

Different.
...is a good one-word adjective that could best describe the whole of this season as it happened, or should I say happens, to me.

Different. Yup, this year's Christmas is very different. This whole year has been very different.

The past year's '08. My favorite number, my number. It was my number so it was my year... or so I thought.

If there was one thing I did wrong for the past 365 days -oh plus one! It was a leap year! :) no, no. Let's rephrase that.- If there was one thing I did WORST (tama pba ung grammar?) for the past 366 days, I'd say it would be declaring '08 would be my year.

Yup, it was my year alright. Mine all mine. The thought of '08 being "mine" led me to do the worst things I've ever done all my life. I have become someone I never thought I would be: cold, numb, lonely, invisible, conceited, and most of all, selfish.

Different. I've become a different person. Let me compare so you'd understand.
♥ I used to text a lot, now I don't even bother loading.
♥ I used to smile a lot.
♥ I used to see my (hs) friends every now and then, I rarely see them now.
♥ I used to draw a lot.
♥ I used to be a good listener/adviser.
♥ I used to study a lot. (seriously, lalo na pag magttest na.)
♥ I used to take a lot of pictures almost everyday, oh how I miss doing that.
....I used to be a lot of things. I know I've changed.

Changes were supposed to be for the better, but my change wasn't. No thanks to the "My Year" idea.

All year round I worked on making myself happy. With almost every move I made questions like Will this cause me happiness?, etc.
Yup, all year, all me. I thought about my happiness and my happiness only, and I ended up feeling lonely. Hahaha, cause in the end, all I had was me, myself and I.

Different. This Christmas is different.
This Christmas, I realized what really would make me truly happy. It's always been there, He's always been there, they've always been there.

I didnt realize my happiness would never be caused by earthly possessions, or selfish indulgences. My happiness lay on other people's happiness. The joy of seeing smiling faces, feeling the warmth of welcoming hearts, being wrapped in tight hugs, sharing my blessings, or simply just being in the presence of other people, other people you love.
I didn't realize all that... till now.

I still don't know what made me do it.. It was definitely a first for me...
Simbang Gabi. I completed the whole freakin' novena. haha.

And when someone asked me what I wished for, it got me thinking.
I did wish for something on the first three days.
Happiness.
It is such a broad idea, yet he had managed to give me just that by making me realize everything I've stated above.

He gave me contentment.
He made me realize what I have and be happy with it.
I think it's the best kind of happiness anyone -especially on this season- could ever gain.
Not wanting more -have you ever felt that kind of feeling?

Finally, I love what I have and I'm happy with all of them.

I may never go back to the Vero all of you once knew, but this year, I'll make up for all the selfish deeds I've made myself do all year. I'll do my best to be a brand spankin', new and improved version of myself, even if it's the last thing I'd do.

delayed

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 16:54:53 GMT

...hehehehe

nagulat.
nahiya.
kinilig. mwehehehe.

first time ung delayed kilig sken. ♥

:(

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 17:20:59 GMT

1.17 am

baket nanaman?
paulitulit nalang...
tama naaa... :(

buti may earphones nako.

discontent

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 16:18:46 GMT

dormant gifts.
stay asleep as i stride away.
tattooed dreams.
stay fantasies as i am pressed into grim reality.

bliss is where i find you, so i hope we meet again.

...so sorry. i just find it really depressing. hahaha :P

-in emo phase, hoping for an abrupt awakening-

weekend

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 09:46:09 GMT

i had my weekend planned friday afternoon.
i was to study saturday and sunday, to keep up with our lessons. mostly because my ears and mind were still not in the mood to learn.

well, that WAS my plan.
friday night took my saturday morning and afternoon. i was to practice with juan for the duet thing, and go to redbox with everyone else for the same purpose.
i still had saturday night and sunday free.

but saturday came and it all changed. hahaha.
yeah, we did practice morning and afternoon. and to our surprise, we were able to finish the whole song -YEEEAH :)- and that meant little practice time in the future, and impending death on tuesday.
mara and reme stayed with us almost the whole pratice time, but went out to drink when we were almost done. i got worried by their sudden depature and their reason for it that i decided to follow. all the while i thought only the two of them were in tapsi, and i knew i was wrong when i spotted jecho outside the said venue.
on the first table (two round tables put together) were reme, mara, gab, bert, and -almost sleeping with his head down, resting on his arms that were folded on the table- ben.
...and the rest is history.

there went my saturday.

sunday.
all i expected was a family day... in the morning. we had that alright, but i ddnt know they were planning to go to a Dora show there. so that took half of my afternoon.
i wasnt aware of the date, so i wasnt expecting to do anything that night till my dad reminded me that it was the 16th.
chris brown and rihanna. i totally forgot.
called several people whom i thought were interested. after a no, a yes then a no, and a definite yes, my night was chris and rihanna's. and so was my monday morning.

i planned to go to UST to meet pau today, but i slept half the day off, and my plans were, again, ruined.

morals of the story: dont forget the date, learn to master self control, and expect the unexpected.

ways

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 15:51:54 GMT

ted

as i drowned myself through four bottles of grande colt 45's (shared with 4 more people), ive resolved to keep this pathetic drunkenness from as many people as possible. but at the moment, it doesnt seem ethical anymore to hide my uncontrollable urge to pursue my one and only vice.

it isnt too suprising if you've heard my past drinking/nearly-passing-out stories in the past. the only factors that could be considered more worrisome about this night's drinking are: 1. it's colt 45, 2. it happened in tapsi, which is way too far for me to tread alone from, and 3. it's (at least) FOUR GRANDE bottles of COLT 45.

if you've never ever tried to hit on Colt ever, ever. then you wouldnt be able to keep up with me now. but maybe you can try.

Todo Lakas.
the ad is definitely NOT kidding. not all ads exagerrate. maybe you should believe some, especially when it is designed partly to make people cautious. Todo Lakas. it was, it is, TODO LAKAS. this freakin beer hit me harder than all of the GSM Blue mixes ive had. all it took was less than 7 glasses, and i was done for. it took me 2 hours to snap out of the seemingly unending and furious spinning of the world.
im not even 100% conscious as i write this blog. im still spinning, 30 degrees to the right, from time to time. ive consumed 2 glasses of coffee, threw up like 4 times, lied down almost unconscious in front of tapsi, to my drunken embarassment, and stayed about 30 or more minutes in my classmate's humble home, before the dizzines died down A LITTLE, just enough to make me walk less crookedly.

ugh. no. never again. NOT COLT.
it has proven itself to be my best drinking friend. even better than Red Horse.
but no, never again. not if i plan to go home.

headache.
maybe i can sleep this off.
oh and. cheequi. my Rihanna and Chris Brown tickets (2) are still up for your grabbing. CALL ME if you dont have tix yet. i dont really even plan to go.
call me as early as you can, and il answer as early as i can.

hahaha. see you tomorrow.
not again. not colt. not again.

full moon

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 17:15:20 GMT

tulad ng pag-shift ng kurba ng suplay at demand ng labor, bumaliko ang takbo ng araw ni veronica.
sa buong araw ng pamamalagi nia sa Roque Ruano Bldg sa UST kanina, pinakapangit ang umaga hanggang tanghali, pinakamasaya naman ang gabi.

nag-trip ako sa pagkanta nung umaga, na ikinadismaya ko hanggang hapon... gabi... pati ngayong madaling araw. pinagsisisihan ko talaga. hahaha.

badtrip nung hapon. basta. ugh. nakakatampo.

grabe tlga ang tension sa kanta na yan. ayoko na. hahaha :P yung duet na dahilan ng aking lubos na pag-aalala -nasabi ko ba?- ay kinakailangan ng minus one. diyos ko po. mukha ba akong karaoke/minus one singer? oh Lord. sana may KAKLASE ako dyan sa tabitabi na MAAWA naman sakin. si veronica ay hindi pwede sa mainstream-pop/senti/whatever-to-the-point-na-may-minus-one-pa na mga kanta. magtatambol nalang ako.

bilog ang buwan, sabi nga ni rona. hahaha.
ang gabing ito ay hinding hindi ko malilimutan. nagsimula at natapos sa iyakan. nauna ang iyakang seryoso, at hndi na tumigil hangga't naging iyakang dulot ng walang humpay na tawanan. walang makapapantay sa pagmamahal ko sa mga taong walang sawang nagpapasaya at nagpapagaan ng buhay ko habang nabibilanggo sa tindi ng hagupit ng Engineering, lalo na ngayon. walang katulad ang saya na naidudulot ng ating tunay pagkakaibigan, mapa-Balay man, Batangas, classroom, Quadri Park, o pav lang :)
salamat sa ice cream shadi. masarap tlga pag libre.
sandamakmak na mga litrato. ED!! INAASAHAN KONG MAKITA ANG LAHAT NG IYON SA LALONG MADALING PANAHON.

...its a good thing i only lose material stuff permanently. i hope i find that, that and you again.
good night! :)

lost

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 00:07:24 GMT

ugh. i just lost my favorite bracelet. :'(

why do i have to lose everything i love... without being aware of it?

it is one of a kind, and vintage-ish, that's why i love it. and now it's gone.

nakakainiiiis :(
il be bracing myself for a bad day ahead.

rants

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 15:34:58 GMT

unfair.
today ive seen most of the world's unfairness to me. haha.

pero cgro gnun tlga ang buhay no?
unfair.

one.
may nagsisigawan sa baba.
i dont wanna hear any of it.
every word is like a stab to my already holey heart.
it's been holey for a while.. it's never really recovered.
but i guess life likes poking holes through it.

two.
may nagsisigawan sa baba.
ngayon pa nasira ung earphones ko.
the only thing that can block my ears, the only thing that could keep me calm.
the only thing that can keep me from going ballistic when life decides to pull a big one on me.
this is a big one, and i dont have a good set of earphones.
thanks.

three.
i want something.
something i cant have and know nothing of.
i can live without it, i can forget looking for it.
but life just likes to shove it to my face, to show me i dont have it and how pathetic i am for not having it.

four.
i want something.
something ive had before and i miss it.
it's been a long time, and i want it back.
i hope it finds me soon and wake up the me that's been sleeping.
three sounds good, maybe it will help.

five.
i need something.
something ive been wanting since forever.
it would take all my effort and concentration to acquire this.
but life likes distracting me with useless things......

...parang nakatali.
ung ayaw mo nahihila mo,
ung gusto mo hinihila ka.
ung nilalayuan mo lumalapit,
ung gusto mong lapitan, malayo lang talaga. hahaha :P
life.

i cant seem to compose myself well these days.
i need an inspiration i guess... i dont know.
ewan ko. hahaha ewan ko lang tlga.

wrong

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 09:40:24 GMT

oh no.
third.

something is very wrong.

but i have no clue, and it worries me.

ignorance can cause paranoia.

done

Sat, 11 Oct 2008 13:54:54 GMT

NOT.

monday. my last chance.
wednesday. my LAST DAY. haha sakto bday ni donghae.
should i say the first time hurts the most?

i wish il eat those words.
awwww im sooo frustrated.
im gonna starve myself to death. hahaha :P

yes. i punish myself by not taking in food. haha papayat pako. pfft.
ive gained @#%@$ pounds since SUMMER. omg. you wont believe.
para nakong PIG.

@%$^(&($%&)!@#
annyeong :P

go!

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 10:56:32 GMT

my last hell days -for this sem- starts here.

i will, to the best of my ability, avoid THIS bottomless pool of distraction 'til everything i need to do and study is done.

...to you, you, you and you,
you know how to reach me when you need me.
my phones are always on, though usually unattended.
i might get back to you late, but im sure to be ready for you when i do :)

♥, vero :)